Highs and Lows

The call from Dr. Nice was amazing.  10 embryos is more than we could have asked for.  But for some reason, the news didn’t help with my mood at all.  Maybe being home all day for two straights days doing nothing but sleeping and watching TV had something to do with it.  I’m perplexed.

I logged onto my computer for the first time in 2 days and immediately one of my friends IM’d me.  She asked how I was, if I had any good news etc.  Jen has been very understanding from the beginning.  She herself decided with her husband that they wouldn’t have children.  But she’s great with kids, loves them and I know she’ll be an awesome Aunt to my future child(ren).  I was and am grateful for her support.  Out of all my friends, she will be the first person I will share the good news with once we are pregnant.  She will be the first to know the sex of the baby and she will be the first to be at the hospital to congratulate me when that kid pops out.

And then there’s two other people who know about the treatments.  One is married, lives further away.  I have only seen her twice since she got married/moved in 2012.

The other one is closer by.  I had dinner with her the day before my birthday so she knows what I’m going through.  But she hasn’t asked about it much since.  I know being single and not thinking of pregnancy and kids at the moment, she’s at a different life stage.  It’s not something that’s on the top of her mind.  So I’ve been IM’ing her more often about how she’s doing with her new boyfriend, trying to be engaged in her life more.  But every time we talk, she didn’t ask anything about me.  Didn’t ask how I was doing.

Yesterday, I just had it.  Over IM, I yelled at her.  Told her I was pissed off.  Normally, I would have just let things go.  I am an introvert and I don’t express my feelings too often and it doesn’t show much.  On a scale to 1-10, 10 being the angriest, even though I might be a 10 inside, I’d show maybe a 5.  This time, it was a full on 10.

I felt bad afterwards.  I felt embarrassed as well.  Felt like I was begging for her attention.  Almost felt like a girlfriend asking her boyfriend to be more attentive when the guy is thinking about breaking up with her.

We resolved it at the end, and decided to have brunch together on Saturday if my transfer gets pushed to Monday.  I feel better but I’m still slightly embarrassed.  A little betrayed as well.  I know this is part due to hormones and anxiety.  So on a day that was supposed to be full of highs, I was in the lows.  I’m still trying to climb out of it but I don’t know how.

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5 responses to “Highs and Lows”

  1. Isabelle says :

    Oh that’s totally normal. I have had a few experiences with that. I wrote about one of them here: http://binkymoongee.wordpress.com/2013/08/10/being-overly-sensitive/ and how we resolved it here: http://binkymoongee.wordpress.com/2013/09/14/take-three/

    Hang in there girl. 🙂 We have certain expectations from our friends. We sometimes just have to take some time with them to find that equilibrium. Hope that your friendship will survive the lows. Do not feel embarrassed.

    • hopeloveandfamily says :

      I remember seeing those posts but read it again and it really is very similar to what I’m going through. I told another friend today and she said she didn’t want to pry too much and wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk about it. It felt like an excuse but I think that’s all I’ll have to expect from her. Thanks for the kind words!

  2. Elisha says :

    awwe girl! Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just enjoy your brunch. On a side note, I have several friends that don’t ever ask about me or what’s going on. I think a couple just don’t think about it, and the other two I think are just afraid to ask…as if I don’t want to talk about it. I say if you want to share and they haven’t asked ya, just go ahead and share anyway. Some people just aren’t wired to think about “asking” how you are doing. Doesn’t make it right so I totally understand your frustration. Have fun at your brunch and don’t let it get ya down. xo

    • hopeloveandfamily says :

      Yea, I guess some people are. I’m not very good with keeping in touch with friends but am better than some :p Thanks for the encouragement, I’ll try to enjoy brunch (if we don’t have our transfer tomorrow).

  3. Mallory says :

    I agree that a lot of people think it would be prying or that you don’t want to talk about it. It’s too bad that you ended up blowing up at her, but in the end it’s best to tell people what we need from them. I’m sure she feels bad for putting you in that position, and if she knows you well then she has to know how hard it was for you to be that frank with her. Hey she still wants to have lunch, so all is not lost!

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