Pregnancy Depression

For most of the symptoms list here on this article related to pregnancy depression, I fit most of the profile.  I realized today that it may not be just the hormones.  And the realization that it may be because of what I went through with infertility oddly made things feel a little better.  And after speaking to a doctor today after my first OB appointment, I feel like I might be on the path to recovery.  Realization is the first step, right?

First OB visit was mundane.  Since I have an ultrasound planned for this Friday with my RE, we opted out of doing it with her.  She did say that since we went through IVF and it’s twins, I can come in anytime I need reassurance to get an ultrasound.  That made me feel a lot better.  Although right now, and probably due to my self-diagnosed depression, I am not really looking forward to the ultrasound much.  Maybe in a few weeks I’ll feel better and that’s all I’ll want to look at.

This OB is a new doctor in this practice.  She saw us today but going forward, I’ll be making appointments with Dr. R, who I’ve been seeing for my last IUI and who referred me to my current RE.  He is the head of the practice and also specializes in high-risk pregnancies.  I’ll feel better under his care.

I asked about a few things including morning sickness.  She suggested Vitamin B6 and doxylamine.  B6 during the day and the latter right before going to sleep.  I will try those as nausea is something that’s definitely one of the worst symptoms.

And then I asked about depression.  She said it’s not unusual for women, especially who’s gone through infertility treatments for a long period of time to feel down or depressed.  It was comforting to know that I’m not the weirdo who can’t appreciate this miracle.  She said you would have more emotions and feelings than someone who just tried for three months and got pregnant right away.  Nope, definitely not the same.  She suggested seeing a therapist associated with the practice who deals with a lot of the fertility patients there.  I have her phone number whenever I need it — I’ll see if I feel any better and I’ll call if it doesn’t.

I’ve never been to a therapist so I’m not sure what to expect.  But I can imagine how someone telling me what I’m feeling is normal and that I can overcome this would be reassuring.  It’s not just the morning sickness, it’s not just the hormones.

Of course the thought has crossed my mind about my faith.  Is my faith that fragile?  What can’t a little prayer and some bible reading not cure?  He is the All Mighty, Creator of all things.  I know He is with me.  Inside me, helping me through this, hurting with me.  And telling me this was His plan and that I will get through it.  Just because I believe doesn’t mean all things are cured — including fertility and depression.

I realized today infertility does not end with a positive pregnancy test.  It lives inside you and me.  It will always live with us.  We just have to face it head on.


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4 responses to “Pregnancy Depression”

  1. Katie says :

    Therapists can vary widely, but many (and I would imagine most working with infertility patients) will utilize a person’s faith as a positive coping mechanism. In addition to normalizing your experience, it can also be good to have a sounding board – someone to verbalize all of your fears, unpleasant feelings, etc. and have someone to listen unbiasedly and offer understanding and support. I’m clearly biased as a psychologist, but I think that most everyone could benefit from a therapist – an entire of someone just focused on support YOU!

    Also, I completely understand the feelings you’re experiencing. There is something about wanting this so bad that we place the whole experience on such a high pedestal surrounded by huge expectations about how it should play out. Then when our reality doesn’t match the dream that we’ve embedded over years of shots and appointments, and the whole thing just feels surreal and anti-climactic… yeah, that can be depressing.

    I hope these feelings don’t last long. As well as the nausea. 🙂

  2. Fur Momma says :

    I’m sorry you are feeling depressed. Hang in there and know that just getting pregnant is not a magical fix for all the feelings you’ve had through your struggle with IF. Many, many women who have struggled with IF, feel concerned and depressed at the beginning of their pregnancies. You are not alone! I hope your u/s goes well today and that it maybe lifts your spirits a bit. Hang in there!

  3. A Crack In Everything says :

    This doesn’t sound weird at ALL! It sounds very insightful. And I can see what you mean about the shock of twins — of going from worries about whether you’ll ever have one to this whole new set of worries. (And joys. But also, yes, worries.) Help from God and from a therapist aren’t mutually exclusive — the more help, the better! I hope the depression starts to lift soon.

    (Hope, ICLW #19)

  4. Amethyst says :

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling low. I’ve battled depression on and off through my life, and I know how tough it can be. I can’t quite relate to your situation, but I did want to share my experience with therapy. I didn’t go for long, but it did help. Not only did her telling me my feelings were normal help, but she also helped me with tools to understand it better and take positive steps. Little goals to reach for one step at a time. I hope you get to feeling better soon!

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