For most of the symptoms list here on this article related to pregnancy depression, I fit most of the profile. I realized today that it may not be just the hormones. And the realization that it may be because of what I went through with infertility oddly made things feel a little better. And after speaking to a doctor today after my first OB appointment, I feel like I might be on the path to recovery. Realization is the first step, right?
First OB visit was mundane. Since I have an ultrasound planned for this Friday with my RE, we opted out of doing it with her. She did say that since we went through IVF and it’s twins, I can come in anytime I need reassurance to get an ultrasound. That made me feel a lot better. Although right now, and probably due to my self-diagnosed depression, I am not really looking forward to the ultrasound much. Maybe in a few weeks I’ll feel better and that’s all I’ll want to look at.
This OB is a new doctor in this practice. She saw us today but going forward, I’ll be making appointments with Dr. R, who I’ve been seeing for my last IUI and who referred me to my current RE. He is the head of the practice and also specializes in high-risk pregnancies. I’ll feel better under his care.
I asked about a few things including morning sickness. She suggested Vitamin B6 and doxylamine. B6 during the day and the latter right before going to sleep. I will try those as nausea is something that’s definitely one of the worst symptoms.
And then I asked about depression. She said it’s not unusual for women, especially who’s gone through infertility treatments for a long period of time to feel down or depressed. It was comforting to know that I’m not the weirdo who can’t appreciate this miracle. She said you would have more emotions and feelings than someone who just tried for three months and got pregnant right away. Nope, definitely not the same. She suggested seeing a therapist associated with the practice who deals with a lot of the fertility patients there. I have her phone number whenever I need it — I’ll see if I feel any better and I’ll call if it doesn’t.
I’ve never been to a therapist so I’m not sure what to expect. But I can imagine how someone telling me what I’m feeling is normal and that I can overcome this would be reassuring. It’s not just the morning sickness, it’s not just the hormones.
Of course the thought has crossed my mind about my faith. Is my faith that fragile? What can’t a little prayer and some bible reading not cure? He is the All Mighty, Creator of all things. I know He is with me. Inside me, helping me through this, hurting with me. And telling me this was His plan and that I will get through it. Just because I believe doesn’t mean all things are cured — including fertility and depression.
I realized today infertility does not end with a positive pregnancy test. It lives inside you and me. It will always live with us. We just have to face it head on.