A Puff of Jealousy

My mom called the other night and told me she heard that my good friend back home is pregnant.  She had a miscarriage (sac with no baby) in 2008.  Since then she and her husband (also a good friend of mine) wasn’t able to conceive.  Doctor couldn’t find any problems with both of them so instead of seeking further help, they just tried all these years naturally.  And now finally after 6 years, she is pregnant.

She announced it on Facebook as well right after I heard from my mom.  And then it hit me.  A strong sting of jealousy.  Completely uncalled for, no sane reason, but I got jealous.  By looking at just the facts, it makes no sense.  I’ve been trying for a little over 2 years.  She’s been trying since 2006 (when they got married) so that’s almost 8 years.  But the fact that she didn’t need any medical intervention and had a miracle baby stings.

If I had waited that long, would I have been able to surprise DH with the positive stick?  Did we not have to go through 6 IUIs, a laparoscopy which by the way, my insurance might deny paying out?  IVF that cost us a fortune and now the high risk pregnancy of twins?  Was all this pain comparable to the extra 6 years of waiting?

I know the circumstances are different.  She got married when she was 25.  I got married when I was 30.  She had been pregnant once before so they knew they would be able to get pregnant on their own.  I on the other hand knew I had issues, mainly endometriosis and for the longest time, DH’s sperm count.  I was open to ART, her family was hesitant.  I think she was open to it but her in-laws weren’t.  I don’t know about her husband.

She’s due in November, a couple weeks after me.  They’ll end up being a month apart since my twins will come early.  Even though we’re oceans apart, we’ll keep each other updated.  I’m happy for her I really am.  She deserves it more than anyone I know.  She’ll be a great mother.  I pray that she has a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.  And I hope my jealousy is short lived.


2 responses to “A Puff of Jealousy”

  1. My Journey says :

    Don’t be so hard on yourself… I assume your feelings are normal, well, normal in my opinion, as I’ve had the same many times. Focus on the good!

  2. Jo says :

    Given your journey any feelings are normal. Head up and best wishes to you all.

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