I started my maternity leave last week. I know I needed it — sitting in front of a desk, albeit at home, was straining. Even sitting in bed with a laptop open concentrating on work for a few hours tired me out. But THIS IS BORING! Most of the baby stuff is taken care of. Just a few more things to buy which I already have a list of, just need to order online. So really, nothing to do.
Highlights of the last couple weeks:
The start of week 31 came with a vengeance. It started during dinner last night (exactly 31 week 0 days). I had up to 11 contractions an hour and I couldn’t sleep because of the pain. I have been having contractions during the night but mostly I was able to sleep through them. Not last night. I work up at 3:30 and for two hours, I stayed up, tracking my contractions and breathing through the pain. I’m sure real labor contractions will be worse than this but moving from painless Braxton Hicks contractions to ones that felt like cramps accompanied by back pain is no fun. I contemplated on calling the doctor but thought I could wait it out with drinking water. It is better this morning but if it keeps up, I will have to call.
The past few weeks have not been easy. I did end up seeing my OB that day (see previous post) and he prescribed Nifedipine. It’s a drug that’s supposed to help stop contractions. He also prescribed vaginal progesterone pills. And I thought I was done with that after the IUIs and IVF! Having to wear panty liners every single day is so annoying. But anything for this babies, right?
As a first time pregnant lady, I don’t know what contractions feel like. I’ve read about it, I’ve read about Braxton Hicks as well. In my mind, real contractions supposed to hurt. They are supposed to feel like period cramps, which I’m too familiar with due to stage 3 endometriosis. BH is supposed to be contractions that didn’t hurt, weren’t regular etc..
Looking back now.. they were all real contractions. I just didn’t know. I thought it was one of the boys curling up so tight that I could see his butt or head protruding out of my stomach. And every time it happened, I would show it to my husband and I’d laugh.. ‘Look at that honey, I wonder if it’s his butt or his head’. Goodness how silly was I!
When I found out that both embryos transferred had made it, I was dead scared. The joy of a positive beta was short lived and I was overwhelmed with the fear of my ability to carry twins in my petite 5’3″ 110lb frame. As the second trimester was about to end with no serious issues (other than some bleeding very early on while I was still under my RE’s care) I thought “maybe I am that lucky gal with no complications with twins”.
But life doesn’t always go as you hope…
I wrote this a few weeks ago and never posted it… here it goes…
It’s been forever since I wrote a post. These past 19 weeks of pregnancy has been overwhelming with emotions and physical challenges that I found myself slowly getting infertility amnesia. Forgetting that I was once an infertility gal and now just being one of the pregnant gals. The only reminder of it these days is that I’m carrying twins and I have to say ‘IVF’ every time someone asks ‘do twins run in your family?’
I have found other infertility-pregnancy posts/blogs useful. Just the fact that we share a common history distinguishes the seemingly mundane pregnancy update post from all the other ones.
For most of the symptoms list here on this article related to pregnancy depression, I fit most of the profile. I realized today that it may not be just the hormones. And the realization that it may be because of what I went through with infertility oddly made things feel a little better. And after speaking to a doctor today after my first OB appointment, I feel like I might be on the path to recovery. Realization is the first step, right?